This module is all about what your resolution is, why you are doing it, understanding the dynamics of change and some tips to help you with a plan.
What is it that you have decided to accomplish this year? Is it just one thing or have you created an entire list of things you want to change?
How do you feel about change?
Is change usually difficult for you or do you embrace it with open arms?
How are you feeling about this commitment? And speaking of commitments, is this resolution a commitment that you have made to yourself or to someone else?
On a scale of 0-10 with 0 meaning “not a chance” and 10 meaning “I will absolutely do this” what number would you rate your success at making this change?
Don’t let the number affect you. No matter what it is the Resolution Obstacle Buster program will help you because we will be working to reduce your stress factors, minimize feelings of overwhelm and allay your fears to help keep you on track.
A powerful tool that you will be using to assist you with the emotional roller coaster of change is called EFT or Emotional Freedom Techniques. Some people know it as Tapping. EFT is fantastic at helping you reduce the feelings of stress, overwhelm and fear that so often accompanies lifestyle changes. Be sure to go to this link to learn how to do EFT as we will be using this valuable tool throughout the Resolution Obstacle Buster program sessions.
Here is more information on what exactly resolutions are and why it is sometimes difficult for people to stick to them.
(It would be a good idea to pick up a notebook or create a text-based document on your computer, phone or tablet where you can make notes of your thoughts about and answers to these questions. This will help you focus on your answers and provide solid reference material to review as you move forward in the ROB program.)
Resolutions are really about changing habits.
So, the big question is – are you committed to the change it will make in your life?
Let’s go back to that 0-10 scale again and rate your answer to that question. How committed are you to the resolution that you have decided upon?
Hold onto that number. Write it down. Post it on your computer, refrigerator or anywhere you will see it throughout your day. That is your current level of commitment. If it is low or high it makes no difference. That is where you are right now and it is fine.
Next, what is your why? Why do you want to make this change?
What will this change do for you?
What difference will it make in your life?
Are you doing this for you or for someone else?
When you think about making these changes does the decision come from your soul or your ego? You may be asking: “What? What is the difference?”
Ego choices are usually based on what you will get from outside of you. You may want to show someone up with how much money you make or how great you look. These choices may feel tight in your body or contracted. Feelings of fear, struggle or anxiety may surface when you think of making your resolution happen.
When you create from your soul you enter a realm of love, expansion and fruition of all possibilities. The resolution comes from inside of you and you feel radiant, expanded and that your choice is a manifestation of who you really are.
Exercise for determining Ego/Soul motivation:
So, I will ask again, are you doing this for you or for someone else? Give this some thought and write down your answer. Spend some time exploring where your motivation for this change is coming from.
What are experiences in your life that you remember that made you decide to make this change. Did someone say something that was hurtful to you? Did something happen that embarrassed you? Did you decide that you were unsatisfied with that aspect of your life? Did you very badly want to do something but couldn’t because you didn’t have the mental, physical or financial resources?
When you decided to make this change, what happened to you that made you decide on it?
Write down everything you can think of. Describe the experience. What happened, what someone said, what you said, how you felt. List all of your emotions that are related to each experience.
Now ask yourself again, is this commitment coming from your ego or your soul? Do you want to get back at someone for hurting you or are you compelled from within to improve yourself. If it is the latter, you will have a much better chance at staying committed and succeeding.
So, I will ask again, are you doing this for you or for someone else? Give this some thought and write down your answer.
I hope that you are beginning to understand what it is that is driving your resolution commitment.
Now I want you to understand a little more about changing habits.
Changing habits is changing behavior. In order to do that you have to change your thinking and literally “rewire” your brain.
When you think a thought a neural connection and memory is made in your brain. You think that thought often enough and a neural bundle is created and continues to grow every time you think that thought. This becomes the basis for your behavior and determines the choices and decisions you make in life. When you try to change your default thinking by “not trying to do it” you are only strengthening the behavior because you are bringing attention to it.
When you change the way you think about something the neural connections disconnect and new connections are formed leading to new neural bundles and new patterns of behavior. But changing the way that you think about something isn’t always an easy thing to do, right?
When you use the powerful EFT tool, mentioned earlier, your thought patterns shift from the old ones to new thoughts and new behavior patterns. When you learn this technique via the information on this page, and use it consistently when you catch yourself in a stressful moment, it will help shift your thoughts, calm down your mind and body and help you move through the current crisis.
If you haven’t gone to The How and Why of EFT page, click here now to learn this fantastic technique!
Now for The Plan
Most any success is achieved by a certain amount of time, effort, thought and planning. Successful resolutions are no different. Below are some ideas for what you can do to increase your chances of success in 2017.
Use your notebook to write down these steps and the information related to each.
Focus on one resolution.
Many times we decide on a complete makeover when we just need to do a little tweaking. It is the same with resolutions. Decide on one thing that you want to change and what the desired outcome will be. This will reduce the feelings of overwhelm and impossibility and increase your success ratio.
To do this write down the resolutions that you have considered.
Now rate them, from 1 to 10, as to how important they are to you. One would be a major priority and 10 not so much.
Next to each, write down why you want this change in your life. You may use some of the information from the previous exercise.
Now, decide on which one is the most important to you and that you feel you will most likely succeed at. This way you begin with something that is most likely achievable and may be a bit easier for you. Change is not about punishment, it’s about improvement. So, don’t pick something that you know is going to beat you up emotionally. We want the success of this first resolution to help bolster you to want to work on more.
Set realistic, specific goals.
Don’t just commit to losing weight. Make your goal more specific by saying that you want to lose 15 lbs. in six months. By making your goal more specific and measurable, you make it more achievable.
Now that you’ve decided on which resolution, let’s make it more specific.
How much weight do you want to lose?
How many inches do you want to reduce your waistline?
Do you want to completely quit smoking/drinking or just reduce the amount? To what amount?
How much more money do you want to make this year?
If you want to travel more, exactly what trip(s) do you want to take this year?
Whatever the resolution, write down the specifics of exactly what you want to achieve.
This makes the resolution measurable and by that I mean you can measure the difference between where you began and where you will be when you reach your goal.
Start with small steps.
Too many times we make our resolutions TOO BIG! Then we get anxious, stressed, feel overwhelmed and get angry at ourselves for not meeting them. Part of your plan will include small steps that you can take that will lead you to your goal. If you decide to exercise, go once a week or every other week at first rather than trying to fit 2 to 3 sessions in each week which leads to burnout, boredom and stress. Begin with the end in mind and then work backwards to create the steps you need to get there.
Focus on your resolution and break down how you will get there into stages or steps of action. In order to lose weight are you just going to work out or just change your diet or do both? To quit smoking are you going cold turkey or cut back 1-2 cigarettes a day each week?
These are just some examples of how you can break your resolution into steps that will be more achievable and rewarding.
So, what will you do each day/week/month? What is the first step, the second step, and so on?
Do you need to contact a business or person or buy items/services?
Planning in this way can help to reduce stress and overwhelm which are two of the biggest obstacles to success.
Give yourself time.
Too often we are so enthusiastic about our new resolution and anticipated life change that we expect to accomplish it in record time. Which is why by February nearly half have failed. They didn’t see the desired results fast enough. Your resolution was made for this year. So, give yourself the year! Make your resolution a year-long process. This allows plenty of time for adjustments to your plan, correcting your mess-ups and allowing the shift your thoughts and emotions need to adjust to the new you.
In Number 3 you created a list of the steps/stages needed to fulfill your resolution.
Now create a timeline for each step. This is also part of making the steps measurable. So, determine how long it will take you to complete each one.
Give yourself plenty of time. This isn’t about creating pressure which will cause stress. It is about making your goal achievable.
Keep track of your timeline by marking your calendar or using sticky notes with the dates and goals written on them. Put them in order on a bulletin board. There are timeline templates for Microsoft Office that you could use. Google Docs also has a timeline template. Find what works for you and use it as a guide.
If you don’t meet the timeline exactly with what you wanted to accomplish, that’s okay. No beating up on yourself allowed! Stay flexible and make note of what goal you did meet.
Celebrate your mini-successes.
When you make your plan, include mini-goals for you to achieve in a certain time frame. Then celebrate! Give yourself a pat on the back, a gold star, an ‘atta boy/girl! This way you are feeling confident in your abilities and experience successes regularly. You feel good and are motivated to continue to the next step in your plan.
What type of reward would you like when you reach one of the stages/steps of your plan? Maybe you could take some time off and read, go for a walk, call a friend and go to a movie, buy yourself something you have wanted, buy yourself flowers or plan a getaway weekend.
Do things that you rarely do because of time, money or you haven’t felt like you deserved it. We will cover more about deserving what you want in a later module, but for now find little things that you would like to have/do that may push the envelope of deserving just a smidge and do them when you reach each mini goal.
Make the reward special. This will help you become more comfortable will feeling special and help to propel you forward to the next goal.
Focus on your thoughts and behaviors.
As mentioned before, changing habits requires changing thoughts and behaviors. Focusing on what you are thinking and feeling when you are tempted to “fall off your resolution wagon” will go a long way toward helping you to understand what is driving your craving or lack of motivation or reaction to something that happens or what someone has said. This is when you use EFT to help you overcome the negativity that pops into your life.
This is all about paying attention to what pushes your buttons.
When negative thoughts like “I can never do this” or “I’m not good enough” or “Whatever I do it’ll always be the same” or “What was I thinking, I’ll never be able to change” show up, think about where that comes from. When was there a time in your life that you felt the same way? Make a list of all the times in your life, that you can remember. Then narrow it down to the first time that you felt that way. What happened? Where were you? Who were you with? What thoughts and emotions were you feeling? What belief about yourself or life in general did you create? What vow, choice or decision did you make about yourself or life in general?
Then use EFT to release all of the negativity around those experiences. Before long, you will discover that what used to trigger you and put you into a high hover, no longer affects you in the same way.
This is when you begin to gain control over how you react. This is when you go from being small and feeling worthless and afraid, to having confidence, improved self-esteem and increased motivation to move forward.
Be mindful and disciplined.
You are responsible for your success. You are the one who needs to hold yourself accountable. Be mindful about what is behind excuses that surface. Be present. Think before you act. Breathe. Don’t let the past or the future dictate your actions. Become physically, emotionally and mentally aware of your inner state when faced with external events that tempt you away from your goal. Be in the moment and use EFT to help you overcome the obstacles that you face.
Throughout each day, we mainly run mindlessly on auto pilot.
We eat, shower, drive, sometimes even have conversations and we are not really engaged in any of it. Our minds are somewhere else. WE are somewhere else.
Maybe we are thinking about the errands we need to run after work. Or what to make for dinner tonight, or to remember to pick up the kids from that special event at school, or the big project that is due in a few days for your boss. Whatever you are thinking about is keeping you from being present and many times will increase your levels of stress.
To become mindful requires being more aware of your present, begin with small steps. Decide what one thing will you be more aware of each day for the next week. It could be while you are eating a meal, or when a loved one is talking to you – you focus on them and give them all of your attention.
While driving, you can pay attention to your surroundings. Look at the houses, notice a magnificent, old tree, feel your hands on the wheel. While at a stop light notice the different types of cars, their colors and models. Count how many pass in front of you and how many people are in them.
While paying attention to the things and people around you, also turn inward. How are you doing? How do you feel? Are you happy, sad, feeling pressured, at peace? Do you have any aches and pains? Are you hot or cold?
These are little things but significant practice to help you become more mindful of your daily existence. As you begin to master a few steps then you can move on to focusing on more and bigger things that happen around you.
Being mindful will help you get in touch with YOU. The more you get to know yourself, you will begin to understand how and why you react to the buttons that people push. And when you understand that – you begin to take control of your life.
These suggestions will help you break your resolution down into smaller pieces which will reduce stress and feelings of overwhelm which so often sabotage us.
Take your time to create this. It doesn’t have to be done all at once but work on it regularly to create the content and fine tune it to your specific needs. Keep the momentum and motivation going. Each step you take is a victory and puts you closer to reaching your goal.
This week’s EFT/Tapping script
EFT is an excellent tool to neutralize negative thoughts that cause fear, anxiety, overwhelm and stress. When faced with the changes resolutions bring into our lives, we experience a lot of these.
Below is a tapping script to help you shift from these negative thoughts and feelings to a more calm, relaxed state and move past the effects of external factors that upset you.
(If you have not gone to the The How and Why of EFT page, click here now and learn how to do EFT before reading through the script.)
While doing the script, it is best to think about something that is causing you anxiety or other distress around your resolution.
Now, think about your resolution. Think about what you need to do to make it a reality.
Write down what emotions and thoughts surface and rate their intensity on a 0 to 10 scale with 0 being not a problem at all and 10 being it is the worst intensity it could be. This is what you will be focusing on while doing the tapping script.
When you complete the script, rate your feeling again. If you are not at a 0, repeat the tapping script. Continue tapping and rating until your original thought/emotion is below a 5 then you may proceed to the second part of the script.
It is helpful to jot down other thoughts, memories and emotions that come up during your tapping as they are other aspects that are related to why you feel the way you do and where your obstacles come from. If the content of the script applies to these other aspects, then you may use it to help reduce their intensity.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Sometimes tapping will reveal memories that are upsetting or bring up long suppressed emotions that result in increased anxiety, crying, feelings of despair and other negative reactions. If this occurs, CONTINUE TAPPING!!!! I repeat, CONTINUE TAPPING!!!!! This cannot be emphasized enough. Continuous tapping will help to reduce the intensity level of whatever you are experiencing. You may also contact me or call or text me at 410-507-7924 and I will help you.
Dispelling Resolution Doubts Script:
The first part of this script is to neutralize the negative thoughts and feelings around your resolution. Continue doing the script over and over again until the intensity of how you feel about the emotions that surface are at least below a five. Then go to the positive statements in the second part.
The second part is to shift your thinking to the positive aspects of fulfilling your resolution.
Side of Hand: Even though I wonder if I can _cite your resolution_, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. (Repeat 3 times.)
Eyebrow: Here I go again.
Side of Eye: I’ve made a resolution to _cite your resolution_.
Under Eye: I really want to make this work.
Under Nose: But I’m not sure if I can.
Chin: I don’t know if I am dedicated to it enough.
Collarbone: Maybe I should rethink this.
Under Arm: Have I bitten off more than I can handle?
Top of Head: It seems like so much to do.
Eyebrow: I am feeling afraid and overwhelmed already.
Side of Eye: Do I really want to do this?
Under Eye: Is it worth all that I will have to do?
Under Nose: It just seems so hard to me.
Chin: I really want this to work.
Collarbone: But it probably won’t.
Under Arm: I thought I wanted this but now I’m not so sure.
Top of Head: It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Eyebrow: I don’t know if I can do this.
Side of Eye: Sometimes I feel so weak.
Under Eye: I don’t know if it will be worth it.
Under Nose: I want this but __fill in with obstacles that you foresee__.
Chin: Am I dedicated enough to _cite your resolution_?
Collarbone: I guess it doesn’t really matter if I don’t do it.
Under Arm: All of these doubts about _cite your resolution_.
Top of Head: But it would feel so good if I could _cite your resolution_.
Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
How are you feeling about the doubts around your resolution? If the intensity of your doubts and feelings around it are below an intensity of a 5, then continue on to the positive statement script below.
Eyebrow: I really want to _cite your resolution.
Side of Eye: I deserve this.
Under Eye: I really want this.
Under Nose: My life will be so much better when I _cite your resolution_.
Chin: Because I am done with __fill in with what you want to change__.
Collarbone: I have a good reason to _cite your resolution_.
Under Arm: I have what it takes to _cite your resolution_.
Top of Head: I believe in myself.
Eyebrow: I believe in my abilities.
Side of Eye: I understand it will take time to make the changes.
Under Eye: I will celebrate my each of my successes along the way.
Under Nose: I accept my flaws and am moving forward anyway.
Chin: I will do everything in my power to _cite your resolution_.
Collarbone: There is no turning back now.
Under Arm: I am committed to making this work.
Top of Head: I am confident that I can do this.
Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
Check in with how you feel. Measure the intensity of your original emotion(s) again and continue tapping until you experience relief.
That’s it for now.
Please review this page and all of the modules as they come online as often as you need until the information becomes second nature to you.
You have invested in your resolution, invested in this program and utilizing the information in ROB and regularly using EFT is an investment in yourself to achieve the desired results.
Christine Hunt hereafter known as “The Coach” is a Certified EFT Practitioner but not a medical professional. The information The Coach conveys during the Resolution Obstacle Buster program is primarily from her experience as an EFT Coach or from books, articles, newsletters and papers, written by medical professionals or experts in the health & wellness fields. Your participation in this program signifies your acceptance of complete and full responsibility in your use of this information and will in no way hold The Coach liable. The Coach cannot guarantee participants’ expected outcomes, from use of this information, since participants’ results will vary based on their diligence in applying the recommended work and the complexity of their life history. It is recommended that you consult a medical/psychological professional if you have any concerns.